Monday, April 15, 2013

Down

Oh, it's been so long since I've blogged. The reason is simply because I've really not been in a good place in my life lately. I haven't felt like I had any inspiring words to share. But then I guess we don't always need to have pretty, happy words to share. Sometimes words have the most impact when they are completely real and raw, from the very depths of our soul. I just spent time with the Lord and I feel strongly that he wants me to share something right now. He said the words will come.

I've been down. So very, very down. I am frustrated with the state of my life. I would actually have to admit that I'm depressed. I dislike my job so much right now that it has affected my entire life, every aspect of my existence. I feel physically incapable of happiness at this point in my life. I cry bitterly often. I am a total mess. This has affected my marriage and my family. I want so badly to have a new job . . . a job that I actually enjoy. I've wanted this for the past six months. I've prayed and prayed, begging and pleading with God . . . and nothing. Here I still am in the same job. I believe I had actually lost all hope and faith. I hate saying that. It's so horrible. But it's true. I didn't really know what else to do. What else could I possibly do? I had applied for at least 15 other jobs. Nothing happened. I felt a bit like I had leprosy. Nobody would give me the time of day.

I understand that I have no control over this. If God doesn't want me to have a new job, then it's not going to happen. I have been told numerous times that I must be patient and wait for God's timing. Definitely easier said than done. It's a different story when you're the one who has to be patient and wait, especially when you are miserable.

So now you're up to speed about where I'm at in my life and what I've been dealing with. I'm waiting. And it's very, VERY difficult. I'm going to take one day at a time. So even though I am scared and I can't see where the path goes, I'm going to have faith and trust in the Lord. (Oh, by the way, God did tell me he would move in this. He just didn't tell me when or how.) I'm going to seek God and be obedient to him. I'm going to keep praying. (I'm sure he may be really tired of hearing from me about this, but I'm going to keep praying about it anyway.) And I'm going to surround myself with the things of God. I will do this by reading his word and listening to Christian music. I strongly believe in the power of music. AND I WILL NOT GIVE UP! Satan has been trying to get me down but I will not give in to him! Did you know that according to the bible, Satan must leave us when we command him to leave in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit? Pretty cool, huh?

More to come later . . .