The Raspberry Patch

In complete transparency I have been avoiding writing this post. I have been feeling pressured to deliver something amazing; something better than the previous post and the post before that. And so I have been dragging my feet and avoiding writing this post. 

Here's another confession: I am a total perfectionist. Anyone who knows me at all is aware of this. I desire to be perfect in all that I do. I struggle to let things go because of my ongoing desire for perfection. I spend hours upon hours working to create end products that are completely perfect. One example of this involves black raspberries. We live on a small farm that has some overgrown fence rows that contain many, many wild raspberry bushes. I didn't realize how many raspberries there were until I become intent upon picking them. I decided that it was my job to pick all of the black raspberries so they would not go to waste. I picked raspberries for hours in 88 degree weather while wearing long pants and long sleeves to deter ticks and injury from thorns. I was determined as I entered unchartered raspberry patches while enduring thorns that ripped through my clothes and into the tender skin on my arms, hands, and legs. I became overwhelmed by the sheer number of raspberries. I was a woman possessed. I was scraped, poked, scratched, and bleeding. I looked like small animals had mauled me during me sleep. After three and a half hours of picking, I finally realized that it was not feasible or healthy for me to pick every raspberry. I was only able to pick about one third of the raspberries. I decided to let the rest go, which was incredibly difficult for me as a perfectionist.

Before you continue on in this post, do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to listen to and reflect upon the song below. It is such a powerful song that will help to set the tone for the rest of this post. 

I don't know about you, but my desire for perfection is an ongoing battle that I struggle with daily that sometimes interrupts my ability to find peace within myself and my life. When I reflect upon this song and what it means to me, I realize that no matter how hard I try, I will never actually achieve perfection. I am human and will therefore never be perfect. I also realize that I don't have to be perfect. According to scripture, we don't have to be perfect because Jesus is perfect and He sacrificed His life to make us holy and perfect in the eyes of God. Please pause and take some time read about Jesus' death in John 19 and His resurrection in John 20. According to Hebrews 10: 14 - 18, we are made perfect through Jesus' sacrifice:

Because by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First He says:

"This is the covenant I will make with them

after that time, says the Lord.

I will put my laws in their hearts,

and I will write them on their minds."

Then He adds:

"Their sins and lawless acts 

I will remember no more." 

And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.

- Hebrews 10:14-18

So how do we receive this gift of perfection through Jesus' sacrifice? Let's look again to scripture:

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

- John 3:16

That if you confess with you mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in you heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 

- Romans 10:9,10

You have to first believe in Jesus and His sacrificial death and resurrection. After that, you need to confess out loud to God that you are sinful and that you believe that you are saved through Jesus's sacrifice. You should then seek to become closer to God through regular prayer and bible reading. Ask God to help you to accomplish His purpose for you within your life. Seek Him often and with passion.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will make your paths straight.

- Proverbs 3:5,6

But what does all of this mean in our ongoing struggle with perfection? As I mentioned above, we don't have to be perfect because Jesus makes us perfect through His sacrifice. The other thing that you need to know is that while God expects you to do work for Him and His kingdom while seeking His purpose for you, you will never achieve salvation or perfection through those good works; only through your acceptance of Jesus. So your good works or actions do not have to be perfect. If your actions align with God's will for your life, then He will use them for His greater purpose to draw you and others closer to Him. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

- Romans 8:28

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

- Ephesians 2:10

So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed with the pressure to be perfect, take a deep breath and just let it go. Ask God to take that burden from you. You don't have to be perfect. God created you to be unique and wonderful. He loves you for who you are. He will meet you where you are in all of your flaws and imperfection. And if you seek Him, He will use you and the work that you do for Him to further His kingdom. 

Lost and Broken

I sit here lost and broken, a shell of the person I once was. I longingly recall a time of spiritual growth and fervor, a time when I sought the Lord with all of my heart and soul. My closeness to God was almost palpable. I was on fire for the Lord and I didn't care who knew it. Actually, I wanted everyone to know about my thirst for God and I made it a priority to tell them. I experienced a peace and joy that can only be described as supernatural. Regardless of life's difficulties, my peace remained constant. It was amazing and intoxicating. I was a true child of God. I felt his love as if it were pouring into me.

And now here I sit. Lost. Broken. My closeness to God has dissipated. My longing for that overwhelming peace, joy, and love causes an almost physical pain.

I think back, wondering exactly how I ended up here; in this place where I have very little connection to God. It didn't happen overnight. I believe that it gradually slipped away over months and years of apathy and lack of motivation. I let other things take priority over God.
A new job...
A master's program...
My own selfishness and desire...
My phone with all of the apps and games...

I stopped blogging.
I stopped reading the Bible.
My prayers became very infrequent.
My church attendance waned.
I stopped listening for God.
I stopped listening to God.
I stopped seeking God.

All of these things happened. Actually, they didn't happen. And now here I am. Where am I? I'm not sure. I feel like I've lost myself. The person who I have become is not the person who I want to be. She's not the person who I used to be. She is irritable, sarcastic, and downright mean at times. That is not the person who I long to be or who God expects me to be. There are times when I feel as if spiritual warfare is taking place all around me and sometimes within me. I feel restless.

How do I get back to where I once was? Going back is impossible. I can only move forward from here: commitment and motivation to seek God with all of my heart, one step at a time, one day at a time.

Standing in the Rain

Sometimes you find yourself standing in the rain and you don’t really know how you got there. You long for what you’ve lost and you wish that you could go back to the way things were. You almost feel as if a part of you is missing. You get overwhelmed when you think of the things that have been said and done. These things have cut you to the core and have left a wound that will take years to heal. When the wound does finally heal it will then only be a scar that has left a portion of your heart hardened and weak. You know that your heart will never be the same.

You don’t really know where to go from here. You admit that you don’t feel as close to the Lord as you once did. You acknowledge that you have no one to blame but yourself for this unpleasant distance from God. You just really haven’t been seeking Him like you should. Your priorities have been all wrong and you’ve let yourself slip into a place that you never thought you would visit again.

But you move on from there. You pray that God will help you and your family through these difficult circumstances. You pick up your bible and you read God’s word. You realize at once how much you have missed those words and how very much you need to have them in your life. You trudge forward . . . and God meets you there. He is with you in the pain and helps you to take one day at a time. He helps you to realize that your struggle is not against any one person but against Satan himself as he wreaks havoc on your life. The Lord makes you see how important it is to pray not only for yourself but also for your enemies. And then you get this overwhelming sense of peace in the midst of a situation that is certainly not peaceful. You know that this peace is supernatural and can come only from your Heavenly Father. You give Him thanks for His love and kindness and you keep praying, reading and taking one day at a time. The Lord uses the following words to speak to you and heal you. You put on the full armor of God.

The Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. (Ephesians 6:10-20 NIV)

Lost

I sit here staring at this blank screen wondering how I'm going to say everything that I need to say. It's not that I don't feel like I can get it all out there, it's that I want to do it in a way that is most pleasing to God. I want to honor him with these words and with my life. Writing has always come easily to me and I know now that this is one of my God-given gifts. I often feel like I'm not even the one writing these words. They can flow through me so readily and rapidly that I feel more like an instrument for the words of God to flow through.

I realize that unless you have experienced God in this way, you may not understand what I'm even talking about. I have experienced Our Heavenly Father in a way that many others may not even know is possible. I am blessed to have seen him, heard him and felt him in my life. I have physically heard his voice calling my name. I have seen images that can only be described as from the spiritual realm. I have felt the physical touch of his hand on the back of my neck. Most of these experiences have come to me late at night while I am drifting off to sleep. I have often wondered if this is the ideal time for God to interact with me because my mind is at rest and free from distraction.

Well, anyway, I'm really just stalling because I know that what I need to say is going to be difficult. Admitting your own weakness is certainly never easy. I'll start by saying that lately I have been so consumed by the negative aspects of my life that I haven't even been living my life. Let me take you back to the very beginning . . .

I had felt for several months that I needed to make a job change. I can't really explain it other than I just knew it was time for me to move on and that God's work for me was somewhere else. I found a job at a completely different facility. I applied, interviewed and was offered the job. I struggled greatly with my decision. I didn't really feel like I had a sense of what God wanted me to do. After much prayer, I decided to take the job.

I knew by day two of orientation that I had made a huge mistake. I was not happy in my new job. I continued on, hoping that the newness would wear off, my uneasiness would subside and I would grow to like my new endeavor. That didn't happen. My dislike grew to hatred and I gradually became completely consumed by trying to figure out how to get out of my new job. I was desperate for an immediate change. I was beginning to make myself and my family miserable. I couldn't function outside of my job. I feel like I was trying to do a decent job in my work and my superiors told me that they were very pleased with how I was doing. However, outside of work I completely shut down. All of my relationships began to suffer. I felt so sorry for myself that I could barely function. I put everything on hold, pending on my much-anticipated job change. I was just waiting for my life to return to a more favorable state. I stopped doing God's work. I stopped singing with the worship team at church. I eventually stopped posting in my blog. I no longer read the bible on a regular basis.

I will say that I prayed all the time. I prayed for my family and friends, but I mostly prayed for myself and my job issues. I begged and pleaded with the Lord several times each day.  My vision blurred on the long drives to and from work as I wept bitterly, pouring my heart out to God.

I then discovered a new job. It was completely different from my previous work. I could really see myself in this job and I thought that I would really prosper in this new opportunity. It was a newly-created position that I thought God made just for me. I soared quickly and easily through the interview process. I was told that my interview was excellent and that I presented myself very well. I thought the job was surely mine.

And then I got the email. They offered the job to someone else! I completely lost it. I hit rock bottom. I felt like I was drowning in a pit of despair. I was trapped in this job that I hate and now there was no hope of any way out! I had pinned all of my hope to this job that now belonged to someone else. I was angry and confused. I felt so sad and betrayed. I cried out bitterly to God. Why?!! Why did this happen?!! What did I do to deserve this?!! Why would God want me to be miserable in my work? I thought and said things that I regretted. I yelled at my husband. I hated myself and felt responsible for the state of my life. What was I to do now? I didn't know how I could go on. I couldn't keep going back to that job that I hate. I just couldn't! What was I going to do? I wanted to completely give up on my job and my life. I felt lost.  

After tossing and turning all night I managed to drag myself to church the next morning, still feeling sorry for myself. I could hardly believe it when I heard the sermon. I thought that Pastor Greg was talking directly to me. I realize that the message was for me but that it was God who was doing the talking. Pastor Greg spoke about how the Lord has been working on him for the past month. He said that God was doing surgery on his soul and that he was removing the pride from his life. He said he didn't even know that he had this pride until the Lord showed it to him. He accounted that the process was very difficult and painful and that he fought it at first but that the Lord has helped him to grow spiritually into a completely new man. He said God was moving him to tell us all to give our sins and burdens over to God so he can work within us and heal us.

It was then that I recognized how selfish I was being. I wanted a perfect job and a perfect life and I was throwing a fit about it. I wanted things my way and I was not at all interested in what God wanted me to do. I realized that sometimes being in God's will is not easy and not comfortable. I went to the alter to pray and make myself right before the Lord. I felt humbled, cleansed and renewed.

I'm not going to tell you that I magically have a sudden love for my job because I don't. I can say that I do feel a sense of peace about the situation. I know that this journey that I'm on will probably continue to be difficult and somewhat painful. I've come to terms with the fact that for some reason the Lord wants me to be right where I am right now. He may have some kind of work for me there or maybe he will work within me through this experience to help me grow spiritually and be a better servant for him. Even though it's not easy to move on without knowing where God's plan will lead, I will go forward trusting in him and having faith that he knows what is best for me.

James 5:7-12

⁷ Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. ⁸ You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. ⁹ Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!

¹⁰ Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. ¹¹ As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
¹² Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned.
www.biblegateway.com

A Marriage Transformed

1 Corinthians 13

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.



Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Next week is our anniversary. We will be married for fourteen years. I can't believe how the time has passed. I feel emotional today. I can't stop thinking about my husband. We have been through so much together. We have actually been together for twenty years. We were high school sweethearts.



Mike and me at senior prom



I'm sure many of you will probably think this particular post is very mushy but I feel the Lord prompting me to tell you about our marriage. I am absolutely more in love with my husband now than I ever have been. I just can't believe how much I love him. And I know that he feels the same way about me. He makes me feel special and beautiful (on the outside and on the inside.)  Without a doubt I believe that we were created for each other. Remember that line from Jerry Maguire "You complete me."? That's how I feel about him. I love him. I need him. I want him. I feel so blessed by the Lord to have such a happy marriage.



Our marriage hasn't always been so blissful. I am serious when I tell you that we have had some really rough times. We've had times when I've questioned him, myself and our love for each other. There have even been times when I've questioned God. We've faced a real "Am I going to die?" health crisis. We have also both made our fair share of mistakes. We've said and done things that can't be taken back. I can remember several occasions when I've sobbed myself to sleep, worrying about what the future really held. I'm sure you must be wondering how we got from there to here.



our wedding day



Well, first I must tell you that we were not Christians when we married. We weren't bad people, we just were clueless and hadn't been exposed much to the things of Christ. When I was saved, our marriage suffered. Mike didn't understand my new outlook on life. We argued frequently during this time. Mike then was saved several months later. We were baptised together a couple years after that. Our marriage still wasn't perfect. We were young Christians and we were attacked by Satan. I truly feel like our marriage was under attack. Things really spiraled out of control as we continued to make some bad choices. It was a very difficult time in our lives that I would love to forget forever.

We humbly sought the Lord and gradually started to get back on track. We had a long way to go but we were trying. Then we got to the point where our marriage and our life was just very routine and monotonous. I just assumed that when you've been married for almost ten years, your marriage just becomes a bit blah. I expected our marriage to continue to be this way for . . well, maybe forever.

And then I had a great idea. I started praying for our marriage. I prayed for all aspects of our marriage: our love, our sexual intimacy, our walk together in the Lord, our communication, our affection, etc. I also started praying specifically for Mike in all areas of his life: his work, his reputation, his walk with the Lord, being a Godly leader of our family, his temptations, etc. I got this idea after reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. It is a great book and I honestly believe that it was the first step in the complete transformation of our marriage. I highly recommend this book to all women who want an absolutely wonderful marriage. Our marriage didn't change overnight. I have been praying in this way for our marriage and for Mike for probably four or five years now. And like I said earlier, the changes were very gradual. It wasn't until just yesterday that I really thought about our marriage and I thought, "We're there! This is what I wanted for our marriage."



Mike and me November 2011

 I'm not saying that we don't still have our issues. We certainly do. We still have an occasional argument. We will always have different opinions about some things. There are no two people in this world that will always agree on everything. He still annoys me sometimes and I know that I can get on his nerves. (Just between you and me, sometimes I try to annoy him just a little bit . . . you know, just for fun.) But we really love each other beyond what I thought was possible after fourteen years of marriage. And you know what else? I think he is sexy. In my opinion, there is nothing sexier than my husband being a Godly man and leader of our family, seeking the Lord with all of his heart and being a Godly role model for our son. That is what really does it for me.

Well, hopefully I didn't lose any of you in all of the mushy details. Please know that my God is absolutely capable of anything. If you ask in faith and continue to pray regularly, He will answer you. The answer may not always come in the form that you expect, but it will come. Be patient, have faith and be faithful to Our Heavenly Father.

Now. . . I'm patiently waiting for God to start his transformation in our son so that he will actually do what we ask him to do the first time we ask instead of the fifth time. . .
http://www.biblegateway.com/

A Miracle Witnessed

I would like to share with you the story of a true miracle. Everything you are about to read is the absolute truth.

I was a 21 year old college student when I noticed a large mass protruding from the right side of my abdomen. You could see the mass with your eyes and feel the mass with your hands. I knew this was obviously not normal so I went to see my doctor. He was perplexed and sent me to a local surgeon. The surgeon was also perplexed. He ordered an ultrasound of my gallbladder. While I was having the ultrasound, the technician said she needed to go get the radiologist. I sensed that this was a bad sign. The radiologist returned to tell me that there appeared to be a large mass in my liver. A CT scan was scheduled for a few days after this. After I had the CT scan, my mother and I were informed that I had multiple inoperable tumors throughout my abdomen. The report indicated that I had tumors in my liver and pancreas as well as a large tumor wrapped around my aorta. I was in shock. INOPERABLE! Translation: you are going to die from these tumors! A biopsy guided by CT scan was scheduled for 2 weeks later. I informed my family and friends of the bad news. Everyone, including me, was in total shock. I was young and healthy. How could I be dying?

I had a good friend at the time who was a minister's daughter and a Christian. Her name is Amy. Amy told me that she and her family as well as her entire church congregation would be praying for me and my health issues. I was grateful and thanked her but I didn't really expect much to result from the prayers. I was not a Christian at the time. To say the least, I was completely clueless about the things of God.

 I went to have the biopsy 2 weeks later. The radiologist was dumbfounded. "Why?" you ask. Because this CT scan only showed one tumor, in my liver. There were no other tumors in my pancreas, around my aorta or in any other part of my abdomen. I asked the radiologist if perhaps the first CT scan showed all of the "tumors" because the contrast that I drank didn't distribute properly to all areas of my abdomen and just made it look like I had tumors. He said that this was not possible and that several physicians from the area had met to look at my previous CT scan. He said that they all had agreed that I had multiple inoperable tumors. The radiologist said that he couldn't explain why the other tumors were gone and that I should consider it a miracle. I proceeded to have the tumor in my liver biopsied. It was benign. I did end up having a liver resection (a large portion of my liver removed) and my gallbladder removed.

Now that I am a Christian, I look back on all that has happened in my life and the ways that God has worked in my life that I didn't recognize then. Certainly, the fact that he saved me from inoperable cancer is nothing other than a miracle. I am so thankful to the Lord for everything in my life, including my health and well-being. I am completely healthy and cancer-free to this day. I'm not saying that having a major surgery was easy, but I can see how God used that time in my life to draw me closer to him. Everything that happens in my life is part of his master plan for me. I feel so blessed that he performed a true miracle in me and that I can use that miracle to touch the lives of others.

I prayed about what words the Lord wanted me to share today. These are the words that he gave me:

     I perform miracles everyday. Some miracles are small and barely noticed, like each breath of air you breathe or the beauty of the sun's rays providing energy and life to plants and trees. Other miracles are huge and unexplainable, like the healing of someone with a terminal illness or the survival of a person involved in a horrific accident.

     There is nothing I cannot do. I created the heavens and the earth. I created every living thing. I formed you when you were in the womb. My power and might is beyond what you are even capable of imagining. I can move mountains if I want to. I heal the smallest cut without you even thinking of how it heals - it is a miracle. All things I have created are miracles in themselves. Think of the conception, development and birth of a child. Is that not a miracle? What about the sacrifice of my son, Jesus so that you can live free of sin and guilt and spend an eternity in my presence? Is this not the greatest miracle of all? My children are so wrapped up in their busy lives that they can't even see all of the miracles around them. Take the time to look around you and see all of the wondrous miracles I've placed in your life. Look at the sun, the stars, the moon and the clouds. Observe the majestic view from a mountain top. Watch the sun sink into the horizon as it sets over the ocean. Examine a single flower or butterfly in all of it's beauty. Look at your own body and all of it's miracles - the very beating of your own heart that circulates oxygen-rich blood to all of your tissues.

     Do not take all of these miracles for granted. Notice them and breathe them in. I did not create the earth and all of it's miracles for me, I created them for you. That's how much I love you. When you notice one of the many miracles around you, take the time to acknowledge me in it and spend some time with me.

Psalm 77:10-15
¹⁰ Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
   the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
¹¹ I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
   yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
¹² I will consider all your works
   and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
 ¹³ Your ways, God, are holy.
   What god is as great as our God?
¹⁴ You are the God who performs miracles;
   you display your power among the peoples.
¹⁵ With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
   the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

Being healed from cancer isn't the only miracle I have experienced. The Lord has healed me physically as well as spiritually. My Heavenly Father has healed my body and my soul. If you want to read about how the Lord saved me from certain death and an eternity without him, please read Salvation in my November 2011 blog archive. If you want to read more about how to have your soul saved from certain death, please read A Fresh Perspective in my December 2011 blog archive. 

Have you witnessed a miracle, big or small? If you have, I would love to hear about it. Have a great day.
http://www.biblegateway.com/

God's Difficult Will

God's will is sometimes very difficult. He never said His will would be easy. I think we just assume that once we become believers and accept Christ that our lives will be smooth-sailing. This is so not the case.

I admit that I have had a difficult week. My father-in-law had a major surgery yesterday. We waited for hours to hear the outcome and prognosis of his situation. He was facing cancer. We prayed for him together as family and friends. We prayed from the very intimate and tender places of our hearts. It was a truly spiritual experience that I will never forget. I could feel the love of Jesus surrounding us and him. At the end of the day, the news was good. Preliminary testing indicates that the tumor was benign. It was a very sweet ending to a long, exhausting day. Thank you, Lord!

The other issue I have been facing this week is a new job opportunity. I have been pretty excited about this potential new job. I have been praying about it for about a week with no real sense of what God wanted me to do in this situation. I had already convinced myself that I would be perfect for the job and that it must be God's will for me to make the change. The new position would have meant working less hours per week and having way less job stress. I would be doing a lot more paperwork and having virtually no life or death situations to deal with. It would also mean that I could sleep much later. My current job requires me to be at work at 5 a.m.. The new job would start at 8 a.m. I could practically envision myself with my head on my pillow enjoying all of the extra sleep I would be getting. The other beautiful benefit of the new job was that I would not have to work any weekends or holidays. I was so convinced that God would want all of these wonderful things for me that I even talked to my boss about applying for the other position.

Well, yesterday as Mike (my husband) and I were on our way to the hospital, the Lord made it abundantly clear what He wanted me to do. Mike and I were talking about this new job and how it would change our routine and home life. As I was talking to Mike, I got this overwhelming sense of what God wanted from me. He told me that I was focusing on all of the wrong things. He said that He loved me but it was not about my comfort. He needed me to stay in my current job. He knew it was stressful, difficult and exhausting. He needed me there to continue to do His work.

I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I got this message. I wanted to cry and almost did. Why? Why could I not have comfort and ease? Why? I pictured myself standing in front of God, pounding on His chest while I threw a tantrum like a two-year-old asking over and over, "Why?" The whole time I ranted and raved, the Lord held me in His arms while enduring my fists against his chest. He loves me no matter how disobedient I am.

This morning as I spent time with the Lord, he gave me these words:

I am well pleased with you, my child. You have been obedient to Me and I am pleased. Continue to seek Me with your whole heart in all of your decisions. You are right to consult Me about a new job. You know what I want from you and where I want you to be. My will is not always easy or comfortable. My will can be exhausting and taxing. No one ever said being a follower of Me would be easy or without hardship. It will be very rewarding, though. Continue to seek My will and not your own. Remember that I will be with you every step of the way. I will never leave your side. I will give you strength and rest. Cast your burdens onto Me. I will give you peace in your soul in the midst of My will.

The scripture He gave me is Philippians 2:12-18.

Do Everything Without Grumbling

 ¹² Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³ for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

 ¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”^[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ¹⁶ as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. ¹⁷ But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. ¹⁸ So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

It is difficult to do what God wants us to do, especially when every inch of our being wants something different. As His children, God calls us to do this and to do it without complaining. We are so blessed that He is with us at all times to help us accomplish His purpose.
http://www.biblegateway.com/

Healing Rain

Today I feel lead to share a journal entry from September 19, 2011. It describes a time when I strongly felt the presence of the Lord around me.

Sept 19, 2011

I am sitting outside on the front porch. The rain is gently falling, cleansing the earth. The summer was hot and dry. We had very little rain. I have learned to really appreciate the rain and be thankful for it. I am almost in awe of the gentle, soothing sound it makes as it hits the leaves and ground. The overcast sky with a fog-like mist adds to the peacefulness of the rain. I have never enjoyed the rain like I do now. I have missed the rain. I sense more than just rain. I feel like God is telling me that He is here, surrounding me with His love and peace as He gently cleanses away the filth of my sins. This same cleansing rain also serves as water that soaks into my roots, quenching my thirst for Him. This water provides the very life to my soul as well as my physical body. This water can only be provided by the Lord and it will sustain me forever - for eternity. The healing waters of the Lord wash over me and flow through me. The rain has picked up. It is coming down very hard now. The air is thick with rain and I can see it bouncing off the road in front of our house. I can feel it's mist on my body. I can hear it pouring off the roof, creating a stream on the ground.

The Lord is here and He will sustain me. He will fill me. He will quench my thirst. He will cleanse me. He renews me and makes me whole again. Without Him I am broken . . . I am nothing and can do nothing without Him. I will stand against the devil's schemes and put on the full armor of God. I will stand firm in faith. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 17:7-8:

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes:
its leaves are always green
It has no worries in the year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

I felt the Lord interacting with me that day as I sat on the porch enjoying the rain. I could feel Him drawing me near. I felt like God was the rain, comforting me and surrounding me with his cleansing presence. I feel like every one of God's children can experience him in this personal way. He wants to know us intimately. If you have never experienced the Lord in this way and long to have this kind of relationship with Him, get down on your knees and pray what is truly in your heart. When you are done praying, sit and listen for His response. You may be very surprised about what He has to say to you, I know I was. Don't be discouraged if you don't hear from the Lord. We all have our own unique gifts and He reveals Himself to us in different ways. If you regularly pray and listen from your heart, God will meet you there. Go and see where your journey takes you!
http://www.biblegateway.com/