Standing in the Rain

Sometimes you find yourself standing in the rain and you don’t really know how you got there. You long for what you’ve lost and you wish that you could go back to the way things were. You almost feel as if a part of you is missing. You get overwhelmed when you think of the things that have been said and done. These things have cut you to the core and have left a wound that will take years to heal. When the wound does finally heal it will then only be a scar that has left a portion of your heart hardened and weak. You know that your heart will never be the same.

You don’t really know where to go from here. You admit that you don’t feel as close to the Lord as you once did. You acknowledge that you have no one to blame but yourself for this unpleasant distance from God. You just really haven’t been seeking Him like you should. Your priorities have been all wrong and you’ve let yourself slip into a place that you never thought you would visit again.

But you move on from there. You pray that God will help you and your family through these difficult circumstances. You pick up your bible and you read God’s word. You realize at once how much you have missed those words and how very much you need to have them in your life. You trudge forward . . . and God meets you there. He is with you in the pain and helps you to take one day at a time. He helps you to realize that your struggle is not against any one person but against Satan himself as he wreaks havoc on your life. The Lord makes you see how important it is to pray not only for yourself but also for your enemies. And then you get this overwhelming sense of peace in the midst of a situation that is certainly not peaceful. You know that this peace is supernatural and can come only from your Heavenly Father. You give Him thanks for His love and kindness and you keep praying, reading and taking one day at a time. The Lord uses the following words to speak to you and heal you. You put on the full armor of God.

The Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. (Ephesians 6:10-20 NIV)

Lost

I sit here staring at this blank screen wondering how I'm going to say everything that I need to say. It's not that I don't feel like I can get it all out there, it's that I want to do it in a way that is most pleasing to God. I want to honor him with these words and with my life. Writing has always come easily to me and I know now that this is one of my God-given gifts. I often feel like I'm not even the one writing these words. They can flow through me so readily and rapidly that I feel more like an instrument for the words of God to flow through.

I realize that unless you have experienced God in this way, you may not understand what I'm even talking about. I have experienced Our Heavenly Father in a way that many others may not even know is possible. I am blessed to have seen him, heard him and felt him in my life. I have physically heard his voice calling my name. I have seen images that can only be described as from the spiritual realm. I have felt the physical touch of his hand on the back of my neck. Most of these experiences have come to me late at night while I am drifting off to sleep. I have often wondered if this is the ideal time for God to interact with me because my mind is at rest and free from distraction.

Well, anyway, I'm really just stalling because I know that what I need to say is going to be difficult. Admitting your own weakness is certainly never easy. I'll start by saying that lately I have been so consumed by the negative aspects of my life that I haven't even been living my life. Let me take you back to the very beginning . . .

I had felt for several months that I needed to make a job change. I can't really explain it other than I just knew it was time for me to move on and that God's work for me was somewhere else. I found a job at a completely different facility. I applied, interviewed and was offered the job. I struggled greatly with my decision. I didn't really feel like I had a sense of what God wanted me to do. After much prayer, I decided to take the job.

I knew by day two of orientation that I had made a huge mistake. I was not happy in my new job. I continued on, hoping that the newness would wear off, my uneasiness would subside and I would grow to like my new endeavor. That didn't happen. My dislike grew to hatred and I gradually became completely consumed by trying to figure out how to get out of my new job. I was desperate for an immediate change. I was beginning to make myself and my family miserable. I couldn't function outside of my job. I feel like I was trying to do a decent job in my work and my superiors told me that they were very pleased with how I was doing. However, outside of work I completely shut down. All of my relationships began to suffer. I felt so sorry for myself that I could barely function. I put everything on hold, pending on my much-anticipated job change. I was just waiting for my life to return to a more favorable state. I stopped doing God's work. I stopped singing with the worship team at church. I eventually stopped posting in my blog. I no longer read the bible on a regular basis.

I will say that I prayed all the time. I prayed for my family and friends, but I mostly prayed for myself and my job issues. I begged and pleaded with the Lord several times each day.  My vision blurred on the long drives to and from work as I wept bitterly, pouring my heart out to God.

I then discovered a new job. It was completely different from my previous work. I could really see myself in this job and I thought that I would really prosper in this new opportunity. It was a newly-created position that I thought God made just for me. I soared quickly and easily through the interview process. I was told that my interview was excellent and that I presented myself very well. I thought the job was surely mine.

And then I got the email. They offered the job to someone else! I completely lost it. I hit rock bottom. I felt like I was drowning in a pit of despair. I was trapped in this job that I hate and now there was no hope of any way out! I had pinned all of my hope to this job that now belonged to someone else. I was angry and confused. I felt so sad and betrayed. I cried out bitterly to God. Why?!! Why did this happen?!! What did I do to deserve this?!! Why would God want me to be miserable in my work? I thought and said things that I regretted. I yelled at my husband. I hated myself and felt responsible for the state of my life. What was I to do now? I didn't know how I could go on. I couldn't keep going back to that job that I hate. I just couldn't! What was I going to do? I wanted to completely give up on my job and my life. I felt lost.  

After tossing and turning all night I managed to drag myself to church the next morning, still feeling sorry for myself. I could hardly believe it when I heard the sermon. I thought that Pastor Greg was talking directly to me. I realize that the message was for me but that it was God who was doing the talking. Pastor Greg spoke about how the Lord has been working on him for the past month. He said that God was doing surgery on his soul and that he was removing the pride from his life. He said he didn't even know that he had this pride until the Lord showed it to him. He accounted that the process was very difficult and painful and that he fought it at first but that the Lord has helped him to grow spiritually into a completely new man. He said God was moving him to tell us all to give our sins and burdens over to God so he can work within us and heal us.

It was then that I recognized how selfish I was being. I wanted a perfect job and a perfect life and I was throwing a fit about it. I wanted things my way and I was not at all interested in what God wanted me to do. I realized that sometimes being in God's will is not easy and not comfortable. I went to the alter to pray and make myself right before the Lord. I felt humbled, cleansed and renewed.

I'm not going to tell you that I magically have a sudden love for my job because I don't. I can say that I do feel a sense of peace about the situation. I know that this journey that I'm on will probably continue to be difficult and somewhat painful. I've come to terms with the fact that for some reason the Lord wants me to be right where I am right now. He may have some kind of work for me there or maybe he will work within me through this experience to help me grow spiritually and be a better servant for him. Even though it's not easy to move on without knowing where God's plan will lead, I will go forward trusting in him and having faith that he knows what is best for me.

James 5:7-12

⁷ Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. ⁸ You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. ⁹ Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!

¹⁰ Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. ¹¹ As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
¹² Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned.
www.biblegateway.com

The Courage of Esther

I sat in church this morning awaiting the usual Mother's Day sermon, expecting to be crying by the end of the service. Usually Mother's Day brings a sermon that makes me question what kind of a mother I really am. I can still remember how completely incompetent I felt a few years ago when the Mother's Day sermon was about the wife of noble character from Proverbs 31:10- 31. I don't know a single woman who would live up to those standards. I'm not saying these sermons are bad. I will be the first to admit that I think everyone needs to hear a sermon that really makes them feel convicted every now and then. I believe this will make us evaluate who we are as a Christian, a parent, a spouse, etc and then strive to become the best person we can be. However, such was not the case this morning in church. The sermon came from a forgotten book in the Old Testament called Esther. When I first became a Christian, I read the entire Bible from beginning to end in about a year. For some unknown reason I completely did not remember reading the book of Esther. I found myself sitting and listening intently as the sermon unfolded, enthralled by the life of Esther.

Esther was a young Jewish girl when the king began his search for a queen. A quest for beautiful young virgins began in the kingdom. Esther lost her parents as a child and was being raised by her uncle. Esther, who was a young to mid teen, was chosen for her beauty and taken against her will to the palace with several other young women. She spent the next year of her life undergoing extensive beauty treatments before she could even meet the king. During her first meeting with the king, she lost her virginity to him. All of the chosen virgins would lose their virginity to the king. This could have been the only time Esther ever met the king. She did find favor with the king and became his queen. All along, she kept her Jewish heritage a secret. I thought about Esther's life and what dreams she might have had. What did she give up when she was taken from her family?

While Esther was queen, she learned of a plot to kill all Jews in the kingdom. Upon the prompting of a close nobleman, the king issued a decree to support this plan. Esther's uncle asked her to go before the king to try to stop this command. Esther informed her uncle that anyone who went before the king without being summoned would die unless the king held out his golden scepter to have that person's life spared. Her uncle again pleaded that Esther intercede on behalf of her people. She agreed to go before the king with this request. Can you imagine how difficult this decision must have been for Esther? She, a teenager, had the weight of every Jewish person's life on her shoulders. She knew she could have been easily put to death for approaching the king about this matter. When she did decide to go through with it, she instructed her uncle to have all of the Jews fast and pray for her for three days. She and her maids also fasted and prayed for three days.

Esther went before the king and he not only spared her life but the lives of all of the Jewish people. He sent another decree to allow all of the Jewish people to defend themselves against their attackers. (No decree from the king could ever be revoked, therefore the previous decree still stood.) The Jews successfully fought off thousands of enemies. The nobleman responsible for formulating the plot was hung and Esther's uncle took his place as second to the king.

I think this story is an amazing testimony of God's awesome power. He used Esther in her unfortunate circumstances to accomplish His will for His people. He placed her there in the palace in a position of influence. She was one person who followed God's prompting and saved the lives of thousands of God's people. What if she decided to ignore God's request? What would have happened to the Jewish people? Esther's courageous act completely overwhelms me. I think of my own life and the daily decisions I make and I can't even begin to compare them to the magnitude of Esther's difficult decision. I admire her for her selflessness as she put her own life on the line for her people. I wonder if I would have the courage to do the same. Sometimes I can feel God tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to do something that seems completely out of the question to me at the time. Thoughts of failure and ridicule plague my mind as I ponder the unimaginable task the Lord has planned for me. I will try to remember Esther and her inspiring story as I go about my own life. When I feel God telling me to do something, I will try to follow the Lord's plan, with His constant help, of course. I would hate to think about what would happen if I decided to ignore God's prompting and not fulfill His plan for me.

Oh, and one last thing. Did you catch the part about the fasting and prayer? Esther didn't do anything until she and many other people fasted and prayed about it for three days. God wants us to pray about things before we do them. He wants us to consult Him in all of our decisions and the way to do this is through prayer. I completely believe that if Esther and others hadn't prayed about it first, Esther may have failed. Esther was wise beyond her years when she decided to pray first. If we don't ask, we can't receive.

Matthew 7:8
For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Mark 11:24
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
John 16:24
Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
http://www.biblegateway.com/

Peace

I have had quite a busy week at work. My week was actually somewhat exhausting. I can say that through it all I continue to remain close to Jesus. I continue to pray and talk to Jesus (silently while I'm working) throughout each day. I ask Him for help and continue to lean on Him in situations that seem beyond my ability to cope. He continues to provide help in the form of my co-workers and my boss. In the midst of critical and challenging work situations, I continue to find the strength and resources I need to accomplish everything that needs to be done.

I am still amazed at how He provides for me and keeps me close to him. He is so good to me in so many ways. I can't even begin to count all of the blessings He has poured into my life. The closer I draw to Him, the more peace I have within me. It is a peace unlike anything I have experienced. It's a peace from deep within my soul that feels like someone wrapping their arms around me and giving me a great big hug. It's a feeling of contentment and protection even when I am frustrated, busy and exhausted. It's the peace that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I love living in God's peace.

 Not very long ago, I was in a place in my life where I certainly did not feel the peace of God in my life. I felt distant from the Lord and it was a very unsettling feeling. I wasn't following God's will for me at that time. Oh, I was going through all of the motions. I went to church every Sunday. But I wasn't seeking the Lord like I should. I wasn't reading the bible much at all and I wasn't spending regular quite time with God. I didn't consult Him in anything. I just went about my life making all of my own decisions, thinking the Lord would probably be on board with me. Well, He wasn't. 

You may be wondering how I attained the peace that I now have. Well it's simple really. I prayed. I sat down by myself, bowed my head and prayed. I asked God to help me to follow His will instead of my own selfish desires. I asked Him to forgive me for my sinful, stubborn ways. I asked Him to change me from the inside out and make me into His loving, compassionate servant. I started spending more time reading the bible and talking to the Lord. I found that the more I sought Him and was obedient to His will, the closer I felt to Him. This resulted in the amazing peace that I continue to experience.

2 Peter 1:2
Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
http://www.biblegateway.com/

A Marriage Transformed

1 Corinthians 13

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.



Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Next week is our anniversary. We will be married for fourteen years. I can't believe how the time has passed. I feel emotional today. I can't stop thinking about my husband. We have been through so much together. We have actually been together for twenty years. We were high school sweethearts.



Mike and me at senior prom



I'm sure many of you will probably think this particular post is very mushy but I feel the Lord prompting me to tell you about our marriage. I am absolutely more in love with my husband now than I ever have been. I just can't believe how much I love him. And I know that he feels the same way about me. He makes me feel special and beautiful (on the outside and on the inside.)  Without a doubt I believe that we were created for each other. Remember that line from Jerry Maguire "You complete me."? That's how I feel about him. I love him. I need him. I want him. I feel so blessed by the Lord to have such a happy marriage.



Our marriage hasn't always been so blissful. I am serious when I tell you that we have had some really rough times. We've had times when I've questioned him, myself and our love for each other. There have even been times when I've questioned God. We've faced a real "Am I going to die?" health crisis. We have also both made our fair share of mistakes. We've said and done things that can't be taken back. I can remember several occasions when I've sobbed myself to sleep, worrying about what the future really held. I'm sure you must be wondering how we got from there to here.



our wedding day



Well, first I must tell you that we were not Christians when we married. We weren't bad people, we just were clueless and hadn't been exposed much to the things of Christ. When I was saved, our marriage suffered. Mike didn't understand my new outlook on life. We argued frequently during this time. Mike then was saved several months later. We were baptised together a couple years after that. Our marriage still wasn't perfect. We were young Christians and we were attacked by Satan. I truly feel like our marriage was under attack. Things really spiraled out of control as we continued to make some bad choices. It was a very difficult time in our lives that I would love to forget forever.

We humbly sought the Lord and gradually started to get back on track. We had a long way to go but we were trying. Then we got to the point where our marriage and our life was just very routine and monotonous. I just assumed that when you've been married for almost ten years, your marriage just becomes a bit blah. I expected our marriage to continue to be this way for . . well, maybe forever.

And then I had a great idea. I started praying for our marriage. I prayed for all aspects of our marriage: our love, our sexual intimacy, our walk together in the Lord, our communication, our affection, etc. I also started praying specifically for Mike in all areas of his life: his work, his reputation, his walk with the Lord, being a Godly leader of our family, his temptations, etc. I got this idea after reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. It is a great book and I honestly believe that it was the first step in the complete transformation of our marriage. I highly recommend this book to all women who want an absolutely wonderful marriage. Our marriage didn't change overnight. I have been praying in this way for our marriage and for Mike for probably four or five years now. And like I said earlier, the changes were very gradual. It wasn't until just yesterday that I really thought about our marriage and I thought, "We're there! This is what I wanted for our marriage."



Mike and me November 2011

 I'm not saying that we don't still have our issues. We certainly do. We still have an occasional argument. We will always have different opinions about some things. There are no two people in this world that will always agree on everything. He still annoys me sometimes and I know that I can get on his nerves. (Just between you and me, sometimes I try to annoy him just a little bit . . . you know, just for fun.) But we really love each other beyond what I thought was possible after fourteen years of marriage. And you know what else? I think he is sexy. In my opinion, there is nothing sexier than my husband being a Godly man and leader of our family, seeking the Lord with all of his heart and being a Godly role model for our son. That is what really does it for me.

Well, hopefully I didn't lose any of you in all of the mushy details. Please know that my God is absolutely capable of anything. If you ask in faith and continue to pray regularly, He will answer you. The answer may not always come in the form that you expect, but it will come. Be patient, have faith and be faithful to Our Heavenly Father.

Now. . . I'm patiently waiting for God to start his transformation in our son so that he will actually do what we ask him to do the first time we ask instead of the fifth time. . .
http://www.biblegateway.com/

A Miracle Witnessed

I would like to share with you the story of a true miracle. Everything you are about to read is the absolute truth.

I was a 21 year old college student when I noticed a large mass protruding from the right side of my abdomen. You could see the mass with your eyes and feel the mass with your hands. I knew this was obviously not normal so I went to see my doctor. He was perplexed and sent me to a local surgeon. The surgeon was also perplexed. He ordered an ultrasound of my gallbladder. While I was having the ultrasound, the technician said she needed to go get the radiologist. I sensed that this was a bad sign. The radiologist returned to tell me that there appeared to be a large mass in my liver. A CT scan was scheduled for a few days after this. After I had the CT scan, my mother and I were informed that I had multiple inoperable tumors throughout my abdomen. The report indicated that I had tumors in my liver and pancreas as well as a large tumor wrapped around my aorta. I was in shock. INOPERABLE! Translation: you are going to die from these tumors! A biopsy guided by CT scan was scheduled for 2 weeks later. I informed my family and friends of the bad news. Everyone, including me, was in total shock. I was young and healthy. How could I be dying?

I had a good friend at the time who was a minister's daughter and a Christian. Her name is Amy. Amy told me that she and her family as well as her entire church congregation would be praying for me and my health issues. I was grateful and thanked her but I didn't really expect much to result from the prayers. I was not a Christian at the time. To say the least, I was completely clueless about the things of God.

 I went to have the biopsy 2 weeks later. The radiologist was dumbfounded. "Why?" you ask. Because this CT scan only showed one tumor, in my liver. There were no other tumors in my pancreas, around my aorta or in any other part of my abdomen. I asked the radiologist if perhaps the first CT scan showed all of the "tumors" because the contrast that I drank didn't distribute properly to all areas of my abdomen and just made it look like I had tumors. He said that this was not possible and that several physicians from the area had met to look at my previous CT scan. He said that they all had agreed that I had multiple inoperable tumors. The radiologist said that he couldn't explain why the other tumors were gone and that I should consider it a miracle. I proceeded to have the tumor in my liver biopsied. It was benign. I did end up having a liver resection (a large portion of my liver removed) and my gallbladder removed.

Now that I am a Christian, I look back on all that has happened in my life and the ways that God has worked in my life that I didn't recognize then. Certainly, the fact that he saved me from inoperable cancer is nothing other than a miracle. I am so thankful to the Lord for everything in my life, including my health and well-being. I am completely healthy and cancer-free to this day. I'm not saying that having a major surgery was easy, but I can see how God used that time in my life to draw me closer to him. Everything that happens in my life is part of his master plan for me. I feel so blessed that he performed a true miracle in me and that I can use that miracle to touch the lives of others.

I prayed about what words the Lord wanted me to share today. These are the words that he gave me:

     I perform miracles everyday. Some miracles are small and barely noticed, like each breath of air you breathe or the beauty of the sun's rays providing energy and life to plants and trees. Other miracles are huge and unexplainable, like the healing of someone with a terminal illness or the survival of a person involved in a horrific accident.

     There is nothing I cannot do. I created the heavens and the earth. I created every living thing. I formed you when you were in the womb. My power and might is beyond what you are even capable of imagining. I can move mountains if I want to. I heal the smallest cut without you even thinking of how it heals - it is a miracle. All things I have created are miracles in themselves. Think of the conception, development and birth of a child. Is that not a miracle? What about the sacrifice of my son, Jesus so that you can live free of sin and guilt and spend an eternity in my presence? Is this not the greatest miracle of all? My children are so wrapped up in their busy lives that they can't even see all of the miracles around them. Take the time to look around you and see all of the wondrous miracles I've placed in your life. Look at the sun, the stars, the moon and the clouds. Observe the majestic view from a mountain top. Watch the sun sink into the horizon as it sets over the ocean. Examine a single flower or butterfly in all of it's beauty. Look at your own body and all of it's miracles - the very beating of your own heart that circulates oxygen-rich blood to all of your tissues.

     Do not take all of these miracles for granted. Notice them and breathe them in. I did not create the earth and all of it's miracles for me, I created them for you. That's how much I love you. When you notice one of the many miracles around you, take the time to acknowledge me in it and spend some time with me.

Psalm 77:10-15
¹⁰ Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
   the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
¹¹ I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
   yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
¹² I will consider all your works
   and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
 ¹³ Your ways, God, are holy.
   What god is as great as our God?
¹⁴ You are the God who performs miracles;
   you display your power among the peoples.
¹⁵ With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
   the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

Being healed from cancer isn't the only miracle I have experienced. The Lord has healed me physically as well as spiritually. My Heavenly Father has healed my body and my soul. If you want to read about how the Lord saved me from certain death and an eternity without him, please read Salvation in my November 2011 blog archive. If you want to read more about how to have your soul saved from certain death, please read A Fresh Perspective in my December 2011 blog archive. 

Have you witnessed a miracle, big or small? If you have, I would love to hear about it. Have a great day.
http://www.biblegateway.com/

Be Still

I sang during worship service yesterday for the first time in several months. I sang "Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant. It is a great song. However, I don't particularly care for singing in front of a group of people. The main reason is because I get terribly nervous (especially if I am doing a solo.) I used to literally get sick before singing. I would get nauseated and sweaty. My heart would race. My stomach would grumble and growl to the point that I would have to rush to the church, hoping I would make it there in time. My desire would be to not sing at church. Ever. But the fact is that God gave me the gift to sing and he wants me to use that gift to further his kingdom. Apparently he wants me to sing in front of a large congregation on a regular basis. When you stop and think about it, you might wonder why God would give this particular gift to a person with stage fright. I have actually thought about that a lot. I read somewhere that God doesn't want us to be too comfortable because if we were then we would stop needing him and stop seeking him. I believe that he therefore gives his children gifts that are "outside of the box" to draw us closer to him.

All I know is that I was standing on the platform preparing to sing. Pastor Brian was praying for offertory. My heart started pounding harder and faster. I started to feel weak and shaky. And then my mind took off. What if I forgot the words? (Even though I had them in large print on the stand in front of me.) I have forgotten the words before and trust me that is a very unpleasant situation. What if I started to sing and a frog-like croak came out instead? What if everyone hated it? What if? What if? What if? I know that this was Satan's way of trying to ruin God's worship time. I had prayed about it already that morning several times and I continued to pray as I stood there waiting. God, please help me. I can't do this without you. I felt the Lord saying the same words I had heard before. "I've got this. I've got you." He also brought a scripture verse to my mind, "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) He let me know that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about my performance. It isn't even a "performance" at all, it is worship to my Heavenly Father and as long as I follow his will and let him do his work in me, it will be pleasing to him. I gave it to him. My anxiety started to subside some. I admit that when I sang the first line my voice was weak and it wavered. I was determined that I was going to do this in a way that was pleasing to my Lord. The rest of the song went smoothly and I feel like it honored God. Now I just had to do it all over again for 2nd service! I felt a sense of satisfaction in knowing that Satan did not win this round. Mark 10:27 reads, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

I would love to know about a time when you had to step out of your comfort zone to do God's work. Please leave a comment to let me know about this. Thank you in advance!

http://www.biblegateway.com/

Calming the Storm

I have had quite a week. Work has been extremely busy. I have to admit that I was still a little upset about the whole job thing. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you can find out in my post "God's Difficult Will." It's not that I don't like my job, I really do. And I like the people that I work with. We all work well together as a team. We accomplish some amazing and very difficult things together. It's that my job can be absolutely exhausting on almost every human level. We have days that are so busy that I feel like there needs to be two of me. My work is physically, emotionally and mentally taxing. I have done this work for nearly 14 years now. I felt like this new job was the "promised land" and I assumed God would want me to go there. The Lord made it very clear that I was to continue his work in my current job. Naturally, as a sometimes disobedient child can do, I got mad. What about what I want? Do I not matter?

Well, the Lord continued to work on me this week. As I worked, I kept praying little prayers to the Lord. Lord, help me do this. God, I can't do this without you. I need you, Lord. He helped me keep up with the work and he gave me this feeling of peace that is hard to describe. It's almost like a feeling of someone loving you from the inside out. It starts in your chest and works its way up to your face and eyes. You almost feel like you are smiling even when you know that you aren't. You can feel this warm sensation in your cheeks, kind of like you are blushing. I knew that it was God and that he was saying, "I've got this. I've got you."

When we are right with God and following his will instead of our own, we can have peace even in the midst of all the chaos. I was surprised at how unsettled I felt while I was trying to figure out what to do about the new job. I continued to feel unsettled even when I thought the Lord wanted this job for me. Then when I followed his will and continued to submit to him and seek him in his will, I immediately felt peace about the whole situation. Pretty amazing, huh?

Matthew 8:23-27

 ²³ Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. ²⁴ Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵ The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
 ²⁶ He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
 ²⁷ The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

If Jesus can calm a storm then he can calm our storms. However, he will only calm our storms if we seek him and ask him. And did you catch the other part? We must have faith. Not just any faith but faith in Jesus, that he can and will do these things if we ask. Do you have faith?

The Lord gave me these words this morning:

My child, you are right to seek me and put me first in your life. If you do these things, all other things will fall into place and you will have peace in your soul. You need not worry about the little details of your life. Give them to me and I will take care of them. Your only concern is me and my will. Follow me with all of your heart and all of your soul. Align your will with mine. I am pleased with you, my child, and the work you are doing in my name. I know it is difficult to go against the way of the world but many people will be blessed by the work you are doing for me. Continue to further my kingdom and you will be greatly blessed.

Matthew 5:7

⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.

http://www.biblegateway.com/

Seeking Him

As I sat and listened for God's words tonight, these are the words and the scripture He laid on my heart.

Seek Me and you will find Me, my child. I am always here waiting and wanting to talk with you. I am here in your times of joy. I am here in your hardships. I calm all fears. I dry every tear. I am always here with you, loving and comforting you.

Seek Me with all of your heart and all of your soul. If you seek Me, you will always find Me. I stand ready and waiting to hear what you have to say. I want to hear about you. I want to hear about your day. Tell Me your most intimate secrets. Tell Me of your fears, your hopes. I am your best friend, waiting to spend some time with you. Please don't ignore Me. Accept Me and embrace Me as I accept and embrace you. Come to Me now, I am waiting.

Psalm 34

¹ I will extol the LORD at all times;
   his praise will always be on my lips.
² My soul will boast in the LORD;
   let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
³ Glorify the LORD with me;
   let us exalt his name together.

 ⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
   he delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant;
   their faces are never covered with shame.
⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
   he saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
   and he delivers them.

 ⁸ Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
⁹ Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing.
¹⁰ The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
¹¹ Come, my children, listen to me;
   I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
¹² Whoever of you loves life
   and desires to see many good days,
¹³ keep your tongue from evil
   and your lips from telling lies.
¹⁴ Turn from evil and do good;
   seek peace and pursue it.

 ¹⁵ The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
   and his ears are attentive to their cry;
¹⁶ but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
   to blot out their name from the earth.

 ¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
   he delivers them from all their troubles.
¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
   and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 ¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
   but the LORD delivers him from them all;
²⁰ he protects all his bones,
   not one of them will be broken.

 ²¹ Evil will slay the wicked;
   the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
²² The LORD will rescue his servants;
   no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

Salvation

Before I go any further, I need to share how I came to know Jesus. It is a long story, so stay with me.

My husband, Mike, and I had been married a few years when we decided we wanted to add a child to our family. We were not Christians at the time and neither of had really been exposed much to the things of Christ. We did not attend church. We were spiritually clueless. We had no idea what we were missing and we really didn't give it much thought. Anyway, we tried to conceive for a couple of years without success. We sought medical attention with a fertility specialist. We underwent multiple rounds of various invasive testing. I took fertility pills a couple of months with no response. I then started taking fertility shots twice a day. I had ultrasounds every other day to monitor the progress. Finally, the third month I took these injections, we conceived a child. We were ecstatic.

This is me very pregnant.

My pregnancy proceeded well. However, I had an unsettling feeling. I felt like we needed to start going to church. I didn't really know why I had this overwhelming desire. I think it had something to do with raising our child in a church because it was "the right thing to do." We tried a few churches and finally found one that was right for us. We continued to be unsaved. We attended worship services about every other Sunday. Our baby, Ryan, was born. He was precious and we loved him more than we could ever imagine.

Mike and Ryan

Me and Ryan

We continued to attend church about every 2 -3 weeks. Pastor Greg gave wonderful sermons each Sunday. About one year after we started going to church, I can remember being at home one day when I just felt like I wasn't living right. I had always tried to be a good person and do what was right. I felt the Lord calling me to Him. That day in my home, I accepted Jesus. I asked him to come into my life and take control. I acknowledged that He sacrificed His life for my sins so that I could be with the Lord and spend eternity with Him in heaven. He paid my ransom and rose again. He lives today, within me and all of those who believe in Him.

At first, my salvation wreaked havoc on my life and in my marriage. Mike couldn't understand why I was different. Many arguments and a lot of tears resulted. Mike then came to know Jesus and accept Him. Everything got a little easier after that. We still have trials and hardships, but we have Jesus there to help us through them. We are far from perfect. Jesus died for us so that we could be perfect through Him. Think of it this way. You come before God on your judgement day. He will only accept those who are perfect into heaven. The Lord asks you, "Are you perfect?" You stand behind Jesus and say, "No but Jesus is perfect and he has me covered."

Jesus paid my ransom and He paid your ransom, too. He's just waiting for you to ask Him into your life. Imagine what He can accomplish in you and your life if you let him! Matthew 6:33 reads "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Are you seeking Him?
http://www.biblegateway.com/