In the Desert

I've been in the desert: a spiritual desert. For four years I have been lacking spiritual growth and fulfilment. In the midst of one of the most difficult times in my life, I did not seek God as I should have and I suffered the consequences of my actions. I am still suffering. I was so busy with my life; all of those tasks. I felt that I had to do what I needed to do for my job, my research, and my dissertation. I put God up on this shelf that I rarely visited while I reached a level of function and performance that was honestly amazing. I was like a well-oiled machine. When my research was finished and my dissertation was finally completed, I found myself wandering in the desert and I was so very thirsty. And God was still on that shelf.

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God? - Psalm 42: 1, 2

Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." - John 7: 37, 38

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." - John 4: 13, 14

So I began to search for that Living Water to start to quench my thirst. I prayed. I prayed some more. What did the Lord want me to do? I felt awkward. What was I going to do with myself now that my workload decreased to one fourth of what it had been? I found self care again. I began to run regularly. I prayed again. And again after that. I began knitting a sweater. (I still remembered how to knit!) I watched the movie God's Not Dead. I had seen it before and really enjoyed it. However, I was again really impressed yet also very humbled by that movie. Josh, the protagonist in the movie, displayed the kind of faith and courage that I hope to possess one day. He fought for God against great adversity. He made sacrifices within his own life to stand up for God when it seemed that nobody supported him and the easier option would be to deny God. I breathed it in and reflected upon my own geography just on the edge of the desert.

I started reading books that did not relate to research methodology or APA formatting. I found the book All My Knotted-Up Life: A Memoir by Beth Moore. I struggled to really gain interest initially. However, after some consideration, I decided to continue to push through. And then it really clicked for me. I finished the book at a rather slow pace for me, trying to soak in every bit of it. It was a truly amazing, inspirational book. I laughed out loud many times. I cried repeatedly. It was so raw, yet also very polished and thoughtful. Beth Moore laid everything out there, which I appreciated so much. As I learned about Beth's life experiences and how she sought the face of God in everything that she did, I found myself reflecting upon my own life and how I want to seek God. I was inching slightly further toward the edge of the desert.

I dug into the bible. I prayed more. I came to the understanding that the Lord wanted me to come to him. I am His daughter. He missed me and has been looking forward to my return. The Lord also knows me better than I know myself. He knows that I need something to do; a special project to keep me on track. Something to fill all of that time that I devoted to the doctorate program that is now just awkward emptiness. And so this blog was born again out of my necessity for purpose while I begin to seek the face of God again. It is my accountability partner. Through this blog I will continue to find spiritual growth and nearness to my Heavenly Father. I will drink deeply from the Living Water to quench my great thirst for Jesus. My hope is that others may find some inspiration in this journey and quench their thirst as well. 

Blessed

I sit here on the porch in the beauty of the day. It is my favorite place to spend time with the Lord. I love to sit there rocking back and forth on the bench reading my bible and listening to the sounds of His wonderful creation. I can hear many different types of birds chirping harmoniously, creating a wonderfully soothing melody. The sun shines brightly as it filters through the leaves of the many trees in our yard. The squirrels playfully scurry about as they chase each other around trees. I can see a couple of bees buzzing nearby. I can feel the peace in the Lord's loving creation all around me. It beckons me. I feel a sense of God saying to me, "I created all of this for you because I love you and I want you to enjoy all of the beauty around you." I think of this and all of the blessings the Lord has poured into my life and I feel truly overwhelmed by His goodness and grace. He has blessed me beyond what I could ever imagine. I feel humbled by all that the Lord has given me and done for me. I give all of my thanks and praise to Him. I acknowledge that everything that I have is from my Heavenly Father. He has saved my life. He has saved my soul. He has saved my marriage. He has blessed me with a healthy, happy son when I was told that I would probably never be able to bear children. He has given me a wonderful Christian husband who loves me with all of his heart. The Lord has placed me in a fulfilling job in which I am truly happy. I get to help others who are sick and injured while I work alongside a group of truly amazing coworkers. I feel blessed to work with people who care about others and will help them and me in our times of need. My cup runneth over. I continue to sit and enjoy the peace of God's creation. I can feel Him in the creation all around me. He is the gentle breeze blowing through my hair. He is with me always and He loves me. I am His daughter and He is my Father.

Psalm 23:5-6

 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Rebirth

I sit here in the sun on this beautiful Spring day. The air is crisp and fresh as it gently blows through my hair. This birds are chirping. The world is budding with new life. It is a rebirth. I think of Spring with all of the renewal of life. The flowers are budding as they start to break through the soil. Baby birds are hatching and entering the world for the first time. The grass is a rich green color as it sheds off the dead brown of winter slumber. I drink in all of the activity around me and I can't help but think of one word - hope. I feel excited as I think of the hope of what the coming months will bring. What experiences and new memories with I have with family and friends? How will the Lord use me and grow me for His purpose?

Our greatest hope is found in the ultimate rebirth - the rebirth of Jesus as He rose again from within His tomb. He rose again so that we could experience life and love in freedom through Him and His death. It is only because of His selfless sacrifice that we do not have to endure eternal death and separation from God. God knows that all of His children will sin at some point in their lives (except for Jesus, of course.) The Lord is perfect and just in all ways and can only accept sinless, perfect people. He therefore requires us to pay for our sins in the form of death. Jesus stepped up and offered Himself in our place so that we would not have to pay this deadly price for our sins. If we accept Jesus, believing that He died for us and rose again, we will experience eternity in heaven with Him. This is the only way to enter into heaven. In John 14:6-7, Jesus says “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ⁷ If you really know me, you will know^[a] my Father as well." The other thing that we are blessed with through Jesus' death and rebirth is the Holy Spirit. This Spirit lives within all believers and allows us to come to the Lord in prayer and worship whenever we want. The Holy Spirit allows us to have a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. Through the Spirit, we can experience God and His love for us in ways that we never thought were possible.

Romans 8

Life Through the Spirit

 ¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you^[a] free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,^[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.^[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

 ⁵ Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. ⁶ The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. ⁷ The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. ⁸ Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

 ⁹ You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. ¹⁰ But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life^[d] because of righteousness. ¹¹ And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of^[e] his Spirit who lives in you.

 ¹² Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. ¹³ For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

 ¹⁴ For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. ¹⁵ The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.^[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,^[g] Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. http://www.biblegateway.com/

Healing Rain

Today I feel lead to share a journal entry from September 19, 2011. It describes a time when I strongly felt the presence of the Lord around me.

Sept 19, 2011

I am sitting outside on the front porch. The rain is gently falling, cleansing the earth. The summer was hot and dry. We had very little rain. I have learned to really appreciate the rain and be thankful for it. I am almost in awe of the gentle, soothing sound it makes as it hits the leaves and ground. The overcast sky with a fog-like mist adds to the peacefulness of the rain. I have never enjoyed the rain like I do now. I have missed the rain. I sense more than just rain. I feel like God is telling me that He is here, surrounding me with His love and peace as He gently cleanses away the filth of my sins. This same cleansing rain also serves as water that soaks into my roots, quenching my thirst for Him. This water provides the very life to my soul as well as my physical body. This water can only be provided by the Lord and it will sustain me forever - for eternity. The healing waters of the Lord wash over me and flow through me. The rain has picked up. It is coming down very hard now. The air is thick with rain and I can see it bouncing off the road in front of our house. I can feel it's mist on my body. I can hear it pouring off the roof, creating a stream on the ground.

The Lord is here and He will sustain me. He will fill me. He will quench my thirst. He will cleanse me. He renews me and makes me whole again. Without Him I am broken . . . I am nothing and can do nothing without Him. I will stand against the devil's schemes and put on the full armor of God. I will stand firm in faith. It reminds me of one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 17:7-8:

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes:
its leaves are always green
It has no worries in the year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

I felt the Lord interacting with me that day as I sat on the porch enjoying the rain. I could feel Him drawing me near. I felt like God was the rain, comforting me and surrounding me with his cleansing presence. I feel like every one of God's children can experience him in this personal way. He wants to know us intimately. If you have never experienced the Lord in this way and long to have this kind of relationship with Him, get down on your knees and pray what is truly in your heart. When you are done praying, sit and listen for His response. You may be very surprised about what He has to say to you, I know I was. Don't be discouraged if you don't hear from the Lord. We all have our own unique gifts and He reveals Himself to us in different ways. If you regularly pray and listen from your heart, God will meet you there. Go and see where your journey takes you!
http://www.biblegateway.com/