I sit here lost and broken, a shell of the person I once was. I longingly recall a time of spiritual growth and fervor, a time when I sought the Lord with all of my heart and soul. My closeness to God was almost palpable. I was on fire for the Lord and I didn't care who knew it. Actually, I wanted everyone to know about my thirst for God and I made it a priority to tell them. I experienced a peace and joy that can only be described as supernatural. Regardless of life's difficulties, my peace remained constant. It was amazing and intoxicating. I was a true child of God. I felt his love as if it were pouring into me.
I think back, wondering exactly how I ended up here; in this place where I have very little connection to God. It didn't happen overnight. I believe that it gradually slipped away over months and years of apathy and lack of motivation. I let other things take priority over God.
A new job...
A master's program...
My own selfishness and desire...
My phone with all of the apps and games...
I stopped blogging.
I stopped reading the Bible.
My prayers became very infrequent.
My church attendance waned.
I stopped listening for God.
I stopped listening to God.
I stopped seeking God.
All of these things happened. Actually, they didn't happen. And now here I am. Where am I? I'm not sure. I feel like I've lost myself. The person who I have become is not the person who I want to be. She's not the person who I used to be. She is irritable, sarcastic, and downright mean at times. That is not the person who I long to be or who God expects me to be. There are times when I feel as if spiritual warfare is taking place all around me and sometimes within me. I feel restless.
How do I get back to where I once was? Going back is impossible. I can only move forward from here: commitment and motivation to seek God with all of my heart, one step at a time, one day at a time.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Sunday, August 11, 2013
I'm so sad! I have something that I want to blog about and I can't make my blog work properly. I'm having trouble getting the cursor to show up and I can't highlight any text or click within the text to edit anything. I hope I can get this fixed. :( Any helpful ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
And then God opened a door for me. After eight months of enduring what seemed like hell, it ended. That trial was finally over! And much to my surprise, I had survived! I was worn and ragged, but I made it through nonetheless. That chapter of my life closed and a new one began.
My new endeavor started one month ago today. I found myself again in unchartered waters. I was scared to embark on another new journey. I again felt vulnerable and clueless. I put my faith in God and pushed forward.
New International Version (NIV)
30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
This year for our vacation we decided to go to Boulder, Colorado. My brother and his family moved there just after Thanksgiving and we hadn't seen them since then. We have a history of not traveling well. We have been stranded for hours in two different airports on two different vacations. When we visited the Dominican Republic for our tenth anniversary, I seriously thought we might not make it back home. (By the way, learn from our mistake and DO NOT take any kind of excursion while vacationing in the Dominican Republic. Ours was booked by AAA and was very scary.) On another vacation, we literally found ourselves running through the airport trying not to miss our flight, like that scene from the movie Home Alone. One time we did miss our flight and had to stand in a long line of angry people who had also missed their flights and were trying to reschedule just like us. Needless to say, we were all a little nervous about taking to the sky and traveling on yet another exciting adventure.
Mike was very nervous about flying. I think he may have read the same two pages in his book over and over during our two and a half hour flight.
The day after we arrived in Boulder, Ryan and I decided we could take a hiking trip with my brother and his family. Who needs time to let their bodies adapt to the lower concentration of oxygen at the higher altitude? Certainly not us! So we started on our trek up the mountain. Ryan and I thought that we should have no problem whatsoever hiking to the summit of Green Mountain (aka they very top of a particularly large mountain.) So we began making our way along the very same trail that Nate, Jill and Lucy spotted a bear just two weeks prior. The journey was easy at first. The trail was pretty flat and I knew that this would be a piece of cake. Our biggest concern at that point was whether we would encounter another bear. I have to admit that I didn't really want to be a bear snack that day. Nate and Jill were equally as nervous. This was their first hike on that same trail since the infamous bear encounter. They were both scouring the landscape like hawks. To read more about their encounter, click here. The pictures below were taken when we were about half of the way through our hike.
|Nate, Jill and Lucy|
|Me and Ryan|
|Nate at the very top of the summit. You could see all of the surrounding mountains from there.|
|Nate and Lucy at the summit.|
|The view from the summit was fantastic!|
|We found an even more breathtaking view from the top. (This time we drove up the mountain thankfully.)|
|The "can room"|
|Large iron kettles used to make beer|
|Ryan and cousin Lucy hanging out together.|
|Estes Park, Colorado|
|The drive to Estes Park|
|Mike, Ryan and me at Bear Lake|
|The hike to Alberta Falls|
We then continued on to Trail Ride Road in Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado. The road was 22 miles up into the snow capped Rocky Mountains. The views were the most spectacular that we had seen so far. We drove to an elevation of 11,798 feet on the highest continuously paved highway in the United States. The temperature in Boulder was 90 degrees. When we reached the summit, we were surprised at how windy and cold it was. The summit was 62 degrees. We were excited to see some elk on our drive.