Goodale

Here's my latest knitting project. I am very pleased with the way that it turned out. Here is the link to all of my project details on Ravelry.

Down

Oh, it's been so long since I've blogged. The reason is simply because I've really not been in a good place in my life lately. I haven't felt like I had any inspiring words to share. But then I guess we don't always need to have pretty, happy words to share. Sometimes words have the most impact when they are completely real and raw, from the very depths of our soul. I just spent time with the Lord and I feel strongly that he wants me to share something right now. He said the words will come.

I've been down. So very, very down. I am frustrated with the state of my life. I would actually have to admit that I'm depressed. I dislike my job so much right now that it has affected my entire life, every aspect of my existence. I feel physically incapable of happiness at this point in my life. I cry bitterly often. I am a total mess. This has affected my marriage and my family. I want so badly to have a new job . . . a job that I actually enjoy. I've wanted this for the past six months. I've prayed and prayed, begging and pleading with God . . . and nothing. Here I still am in the same job. I believe I had actually lost all hope and faith. I hate saying that. It's so horrible. But it's true. I didn't really know what else to do. What else could I possibly do? I had applied for at least 15 other jobs. Nothing happened. I felt a bit like I had leprosy. Nobody would give me the time of day.

I understand that I have no control over this. If God doesn't want me to have a new job, then it's not going to happen. I have been told numerous times that I must be patient and wait for God's timing. Definitely easier said than done. It's a different story when you're the one who has to be patient and wait, especially when you are miserable.

So now you're up to speed about where I'm at in my life and what I've been dealing with. I'm waiting. And it's very, VERY difficult. I'm going to take one day at a time. So even though I am scared and I can't see where the path goes, I'm going to have faith and trust in the Lord. (Oh, by the way, God did tell me he would move in this. He just didn't tell me when or how.) I'm going to seek God and be obedient to him. I'm going to keep praying. (I'm sure he may be really tired of hearing from me about this, but I'm going to keep praying about it anyway.) And I'm going to surround myself with the things of God. I will do this by reading his word and listening to Christian music. I strongly believe in the power of music. AND I WILL NOT GIVE UP! Satan has been trying to get me down but I will not give in to him! Did you know that according to the bible, Satan must leave us when we command him to leave in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit? Pretty cool, huh?

More to come later . . .

Louisa

Here is my latest knitting project. I am very pleased with the way the sweater turned out. I think it's adorable and I can't wait until it gets a little warmer so I can wear it without freezing. You can find more details about this sweater here as well at a link to the pattern.

Worn

Sometimes life is so overwhelming and exhausting that you really can't even find any words. That is how I have been feeling lately. I know that God has a plan for me and my life and that I must be patient. His timing is certainly different from mine. Eternity to me is but only a second to my Heavenly Father. This first video is a song that I heard on the radio last night. It really spoke to me. The words in this song are the very words in my own heart. The second video is the story of how this song was written. Both videos are very powerful tools that the Lord is using to comfort his people and draw them closer to him. May these videos bless you the same way they have blessed me.

Matthew 11:28-29

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

www.biblegateway.com

Lost

I sit here staring at this blank screen wondering how I'm going to say everything that I need to say. It's not that I don't feel like I can get it all out there, it's that I want to do it in a way that is most pleasing to God. I want to honor him with these words and with my life. Writing has always come easily to me and I know now that this is one of my God-given gifts. I often feel like I'm not even the one writing these words. They can flow through me so readily and rapidly that I feel more like an instrument for the words of God to flow through.

I realize that unless you have experienced God in this way, you may not understand what I'm even talking about. I have experienced Our Heavenly Father in a way that many others may not even know is possible. I am blessed to have seen him, heard him and felt him in my life. I have physically heard his voice calling my name. I have seen images that can only be described as from the spiritual realm. I have felt the physical touch of his hand on the back of my neck. Most of these experiences have come to me late at night while I am drifting off to sleep. I have often wondered if this is the ideal time for God to interact with me because my mind is at rest and free from distraction.

Well, anyway, I'm really just stalling because I know that what I need to say is going to be difficult. Admitting your own weakness is certainly never easy. I'll start by saying that lately I have been so consumed by the negative aspects of my life that I haven't even been living my life. Let me take you back to the very beginning . . .

I had felt for several months that I needed to make a job change. I can't really explain it other than I just knew it was time for me to move on and that God's work for me was somewhere else. I found a job at a completely different facility. I applied, interviewed and was offered the job. I struggled greatly with my decision. I didn't really feel like I had a sense of what God wanted me to do. After much prayer, I decided to take the job.

I knew by day two of orientation that I had made a huge mistake. I was not happy in my new job. I continued on, hoping that the newness would wear off, my uneasiness would subside and I would grow to like my new endeavor. That didn't happen. My dislike grew to hatred and I gradually became completely consumed by trying to figure out how to get out of my new job. I was desperate for an immediate change. I was beginning to make myself and my family miserable. I couldn't function outside of my job. I feel like I was trying to do a decent job in my work and my superiors told me that they were very pleased with how I was doing. However, outside of work I completely shut down. All of my relationships began to suffer. I felt so sorry for myself that I could barely function. I put everything on hold, pending on my much-anticipated job change. I was just waiting for my life to return to a more favorable state. I stopped doing God's work. I stopped singing with the worship team at church. I eventually stopped posting in my blog. I no longer read the bible on a regular basis.

I will say that I prayed all the time. I prayed for my family and friends, but I mostly prayed for myself and my job issues. I begged and pleaded with the Lord several times each day.  My vision blurred on the long drives to and from work as I wept bitterly, pouring my heart out to God.

I then discovered a new job. It was completely different from my previous work. I could really see myself in this job and I thought that I would really prosper in this new opportunity. It was a newly-created position that I thought God made just for me. I soared quickly and easily through the interview process. I was told that my interview was excellent and that I presented myself very well. I thought the job was surely mine.

And then I got the email. They offered the job to someone else! I completely lost it. I hit rock bottom. I felt like I was drowning in a pit of despair. I was trapped in this job that I hate and now there was no hope of any way out! I had pinned all of my hope to this job that now belonged to someone else. I was angry and confused. I felt so sad and betrayed. I cried out bitterly to God. Why?!! Why did this happen?!! What did I do to deserve this?!! Why would God want me to be miserable in my work? I thought and said things that I regretted. I yelled at my husband. I hated myself and felt responsible for the state of my life. What was I to do now? I didn't know how I could go on. I couldn't keep going back to that job that I hate. I just couldn't! What was I going to do? I wanted to completely give up on my job and my life. I felt lost.  

After tossing and turning all night I managed to drag myself to church the next morning, still feeling sorry for myself. I could hardly believe it when I heard the sermon. I thought that Pastor Greg was talking directly to me. I realize that the message was for me but that it was God who was doing the talking. Pastor Greg spoke about how the Lord has been working on him for the past month. He said that God was doing surgery on his soul and that he was removing the pride from his life. He said he didn't even know that he had this pride until the Lord showed it to him. He accounted that the process was very difficult and painful and that he fought it at first but that the Lord has helped him to grow spiritually into a completely new man. He said God was moving him to tell us all to give our sins and burdens over to God so he can work within us and heal us.

It was then that I recognized how selfish I was being. I wanted a perfect job and a perfect life and I was throwing a fit about it. I wanted things my way and I was not at all interested in what God wanted me to do. I realized that sometimes being in God's will is not easy and not comfortable. I went to the alter to pray and make myself right before the Lord. I felt humbled, cleansed and renewed.

I'm not going to tell you that I magically have a sudden love for my job because I don't. I can say that I do feel a sense of peace about the situation. I know that this journey that I'm on will probably continue to be difficult and somewhat painful. I've come to terms with the fact that for some reason the Lord wants me to be right where I am right now. He may have some kind of work for me there or maybe he will work within me through this experience to help me grow spiritually and be a better servant for him. Even though it's not easy to move on without knowing where God's plan will lead, I will go forward trusting in him and having faith that he knows what is best for me.

James 5:7-12

⁷ Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. ⁸ You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. ⁹ Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!

¹⁰ Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. ¹¹ As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
¹² Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear—not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. All you need to say is a simple “Yes” or “No.” Otherwise you will be condemned.
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Heaven

OK, here it is. The following words are simply the most treasured, intimate and precious words that I have received from the Lord. I have kept them close to me, in my heart and hidden from others. I have only shared them with a few trusted friends. They touch my soul so much that I can't help but weep every time that I read them. These words breathe spiritual life into me, soothing me with such peace and comfort that I can almost feel the Lord's arms wrapped around me as I read them. I realize that you may not have the same response to them because they are from our Heavenly Father and specific to me. I have actually considered never sharing these words with anyone because they are so intimate. I believe that the Lord gave me these words for a reason and wants me to share them with as many people as I can. Breathe them in and feel the presence of God as you read them.

July 3, 2009
Stay alert, my child. I am coming. When you least expect it, I will be here. Make sure you and those you love are ready. Tell them the Good News. There is so much more than just this life. You cannot even imagine the beauty of heaven. Your worries, cares, sickness and sin will all be left behind. You have perfection through me and will enjoy eternal perfection in heaven. The most beautiful part of heaven is being in the eternal, loving presence of my Heavenly Father. Imagine him wrapping his loving arms around you and giving you the best hug ever . . . that lasts forever. You have experienced only a small little slice of what heaven will be like: the feeling of the Holy Spirit in you, enjoying a moment of love and laughter with your family and friends, the feeling of having an open channel of worship to the Lord, the moment your son was placed in your arms for the very first time, the day you gave your life to me, the day your son will give his life to me, the day you married your best friend and true love, the moment that you realized the sacrifice I made for you so that you could be free from all of your sins, the day you realized that you too could have a personal, interactive relationship with me and our Heavenly Father, the day you really began to understand that I will love you no matter what, the first time you realized that you do make a difference in this world (when you played an integral part in saving someone's life,) the first time you realized that you do make a difference in the spiritual realm (you planted or watered a seed and helped lead someone to me.) This is only a small portion of what heaven will be. How much more, you cannot even imagine.

Revelation 21

21 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”^[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
⁶ He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. ⁷ Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children."

Roadblock

Sometimes life is so hard. Making a decision that will affect your life and your family's life in a huge way is certainly difficult. So many hours of praying and waiting with still no clear direction from God is indeed a challenge. When this happens, I recommend that you follow your first instinct. It is usually the one that comes from your heart. If your heart is actively seeking God, this first instinct is usually the right one.

I believe that we can get in a place in our life when we just need a change. We can get burnt out and lose the passion that we once felt for what we've been doing for the last fourteen years. When we get to this point, any change can look good. I also believe that the devil can entice us into making a change that is not right for us at that time. He will make it look great. He can even make it look like it is something that is God's will.

Have you ever made an important decision and then discovered within about 2 days that you made the wrong one? It's such a horrible feeling. You can't go back to what you had before because what's done is done. And when you think about it you know you don't really want to go back because deep down inside it doesn't feel right to you anymore either. You're trapped. You feel caught between a rock and a hard place. You long for something different but aren't sure what that is or where that is. What do you do now? Who do you turn to?

Well, I believe the only answer is to turn to Jesus. He is always the right answer. Even when we have made the most horrible decisions possible, Jesus will always be right there beside us. He knows us even better than we know ourselves. He knows our deepest, most intimate thoughts . . . the things within our hearts that we've never told anyone about because we are too ashamed. Jesus knows all of this about us and he still loves us unconditionally. He loves us so much that he endured tremendous pain and suffering while he died for our sins. Who else do you know that has done this for you? He died for me and he died for you. Why did he do this? He did these things for us so that we could be saved from a horrible fate . . . eternal separation from God (also know as spending the rest of your life in hell.) What an amazing gift that is available to anyone who will accept it! What do you have to do to accept it? Simply acknowledge that you have sinned, ask Jesus to forgive you, recognize that he died for your sins and rose again and then ask him to guide your life. You will be amazed at what will happen. I know that I was.

So that's where I'm at right now. I'm realizing that I made the wrong decision. (Oh how difficult it is to admit that you're wrong, especially when it includes telling your husband that he was right.) But I'm also trusting in God. I'm looking to him as I take this one day at a time. I'm worshipping him in the midst of this turmoil. I'm seeking his face with all of my heart and soul. I know that I need him and can do nothing (NOTHING) without him. I will wait patiently as he finds a place for me. I also realize that God knew that I would make this wrong decision and I will try to accomplish his work while I am there. These are just a few of the words I got from the Lord this morning, "Oh, my child, I love you. I am yours and you are mine. Sometimes you must make the wrong decision to find the right one. I will bring good of this if you let me. Look to me and trust me in this. Continue to worship me with all of your heart, my daughter. I will never leave you: not in this, not ever. You are precious to me and I want what is good and right for you."

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Oh and one more thing. . . if you pray that God will block something if it is not his will and then you literally drive up to a road block on your way to the thing you've been praying about, take it seriously. It may indeed be God's way of telling you that he is "blocking" it.
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